ELLER|RUNSTRONG

Why, oh Lent, did you pick now to arrive. Here I am in the DFW airport, waiting for the 2hrs ahead of me without that thing I gave up….I can smell it as I sit here.  I walked by you a few times just to make sure I could resist.  I see others with you in their hands. Even last night, I sat with you in the comfort of my children, yet denied your existence and pull.  Somehow I managed through it.  But today is different.  I’m alone.  I’m bored.  And in the past, you have been a good friend.  Haven’t you?!  Dear Coffee, are you that bad for me?   The purpose of this season is to pull me back to a reminder of that true desire and need and fulfillment…Christ.  Addiction? Extreme compulsivity? Flesh?  It can all be related.  There is this created substance that is pulling me into it’s grasps.  And to some, it’s not a problem.  To others, they can’t function without it.  And even more, they can go through life without influencing others or being affected by it’s consequences.  And here I sit, two weeks later, and not one withdrawal.  There is however a mental connection to my physical desires which speaks words of encouragement and suggestion that “it won’t hurt”, “only one cup”, “this is a special occasion”, “reward yourself”….but where is the discipline in that? Is giving in a treat for me, or will it require more of me later.  Today, and each day, I recommit to abstain and stay focused on the purpose of this decision.  If I were to rely on a two-week old decision to get me through today, I would be in trouble.  But today I recommit. My purpose and intent is to continue to remain close to God and learn during this time of pains.

well, i gave it up for lent.  Coffee.

Wednesday night during our “ash Wednesday” service, which we actually got ashes on our heads, i was sitting there thinking about what this was all about.  this season of sacrifice and coming to the cross, and giving something up.  and i started thinking, what is it that replaces my thoughts where i could then turn to God. Coffee!! in the morning, you hear, man i need my coffee. i haven’t had my coffee.  wheres the coffee!! you know, typical things like that.  but it hit me, and we’ll call it the spirit that hit me, of I could then use that urge and desire to point to God.  and say, I need God. wheres my God.  I haven’t had my God. see, looks good.
So this is the 5th full day of no coffee.  and I’ve seen where i could use it, and no i don’t.  the other night at dinner.  at church. at work. at home.  its all encompassing. amazing. coffee was an addiction.
so this discipline will be transferred to the other areas in life I need to give up as well. we all know what those are.   it’s a new season for me and the Spirit.  and the verse i came across the other day in the kids bible just amazed me. I’ve never been amazed when i read scripture, but this one, i read it like 5 times, outloud, saying to the boys, can you believe this? its actually in here? this verse. wow. it was from the kids ICB comic book version.
Phil. 2:13 “Yes, God is working in you to help you want to do what pleases him.  And then he gives you the power to do it.”  Was just amazing.  Not only will he give me the power, but he also gives me the prompting to “WANT” to make those changes. its no wonder some people don’t change, b/c the spirit is not working in them to help them want to change.  Wow, my new theory of change.  The Holy Spirit.
Yeah, some of you are probably saying, where have you been steve.  but thanks for being patient.

I’m not sure what happened, but this year seemed to be the idea of tradition year.  Mark it down, 2009.  The first one came from a Southern Living article I think, but something that has been in my brain for many years… making gifts for each other.  Jen and I went to Hobby Lobby and bought these big Christmas bags, 5 different kinds.  And during our 1st ever, family meeting, we got to pick which bag we wanted.  It was amazing, the kids all chose different bags, and I ended up with NOEL.  Before Christmas morning, you are to make, write, color, draw, create, a gift for each person in the family and put it in their xmas bag.  Then on Christmas morning, we will open those gifts one at a time, taking special note of each item placed in the bag.  This is another tradition we are going to attempt, opening presents one person, one gift at a time.  It will last longer for sure, but will also give joy to the person who gave the gift.  We tried this the other day with Jen’s parents and it seemed to go great.

Our other tradition was having a block party at our house.  It was going to have Christmas carols, cookies, hot chocolate, brownies, and campfire.  We did great, except for the singing.  But the fellowship with neighbors was fun. And I don’t think we could have done it without the fire-pit.  Seems that during this time of year, there needs to be a focus on the Light of Life for us to remain together, share our joys, and be in community with each other. That was a fun day.

Well, this Sunday marked the fourth half-marathon of my life.  Official that is, because I’ve probably ran twice that as I trained last year for the full.  This was a pretty weird one though.  I hadn’t been training very much the last few weeks/months, and the most I ran was 8miles about 2 weeks prior to the run.  But I was going to do it anyway.  ACU Student Assoc pulled together to create a group to run, give out free running shirts so we can recognize each other.  But as I ran, I would hear and see alumni and students on the side-line yelling out “GO WILDCATS!!!” with the Rob Thomas wildcat hand sign.  That was pretty cool.

But my charge came around mile 7-8 when the runners u-turned and ran past each other.  On my ipod was “How great is our God” and I saw my friend Kevin running by the other direction, yelling out at me, and making his way to the middle so we can high-five each other.  That refueled me to keep going.  I ran more this time than I have the previous 2, much like my first one in Houston.  I would only walk as I slowed down to get water/gatorade and then start back up.  I did pause at mile 13 to stretch, and get my calves un-knotted, so I could finish strong.  And this lady told me, hey, it’s right up there … Go.  I was about ready to ask her if she had ever run, but luckily, most of my thoughts are never verbalized.  Did you hear that? Most of my thoughts are never verbalized.  Sometimes they are blogged. Sometimes they are noted.  But I try to filter out as much as possible.

So what have we learned in #4? Hydrate the week before.  Get there early, so you don’t have to sit in traffic (we got there early).  Go ahead and wait in porta-potty line before the race, so you don’t have to go at mile 3. Don’t ever stop at the first water table, there will be 5-7 others setup, and the 1st one you’ll just have to wait for the person to refill the cups with a 2qt water pitcher.  And always, have your wife and kids at the end of the race, to cheer you!!

One of my first parenting/therapy books was by a genius in his field, Richard Wolters. In his book “Water Dog” he gives great advice and technique in how to train your dog for duck/bird hunting.  In one of the tips, the command is LEAVE IT.  Which explains exactly what it says; do not touch it, do not pick it up, do not lick it, do not play with it, do not grab it, do not paw it, do not chew it, do not move it with your nose…LEAVE IT!  And when the dog doesn’t respond, there is a consequence.  Sometimes it’s being popped on the nose.  Or shocked with the collar.  Or popped elsewhere, but the dog is reminded of the command, and the desire of the owner for him to LEAVE IT!  It doesn’t take long for the dog to remember the meaning of the command, because the situation turns hellish when he won’t comply.  Sometimes, Mr. Walters recommends talking to the dog in a way that shows disappointment, and disgust with his disobedient behavior and inability to respond to the command.

Join me now, will you, as we sit down and talk for a bit.  You can sit there in that chair, and I’ll sit right here across from you.  Tell me, what’s going on today…  And that’s how we begin our counseling.

This weekend I was in training for equine assisted psychotherapy, using horses as part of the treatment team for counseling/therapy.  They are quite good at their job, and somehow, they can read the spirit of a person.  It’s an amazing thing to watch, how one horse can block the anxiety and fear a person shows, and will literally stand between them and the point of anxiety.  And the horse doesn’t say a word. Not one… no not one.  (sing it)  In one of our activities, we were given 2 statements/sentences/questions in the interaction with the client.  Our team consisted of 3 people, which means only 6 questions can be made in the 12 minute time frame.  Wow, 6 questions? How are we going to do that.  It definitely made you reconsider your verbal vomiting. Contemplate why I felt the need to talk. Evaluate the statements I wanted to make, and their need to be expressed.

Part of the role of a therapist is to be aware of the things you bring into the session.  Sometimes they are called biases, sometimes it’s called ‘my crap’ and sometimes ‘my sh*t’.  Either way, these things will get in the way of dealing, listening, and working with the clients goals and struggles.  They will interfere, they will destroy, they will distract, they will overwhelm, they will undercut, and they may deter the clients from sharing or even returning.

Today I was sharing something with a few therapist friends, and that’s all I wanted to do… share.  I did not want a solution. I did not want their comments. I did not want their war stories. I just wanted to vomit out my crap and LEAVE IT!  Sometimes just doing that is enough for a client, I know it would have been enough for me.  But then they started talking. And talking. And talking, and then it was no longer about me.

Man, no wonder clients don’t return sometimes.  We use up our verbal knowledge and uneasy feeling of human-conflict to try to make ourselves feel at ease with the stuff we just heard.  So in a self-protected manner, I will inadvertently ignore what was just shared, and cushion the self-anxiety by matching or one-upping the story, and providing a “blessing” to the situation.  When, in all honesty, it just plain sucks.  No wonder clients don’t return sometimes.

We know it’s there.  We heard it.  We see it.  But we just don’t know what to do with it.  Great, you got exactly what Richard Wolters meant…. LEAVE IT.  When it’s time, they will pick it up and throw it again.