ELLER|RUNSTRONG

I’m not sure what happened, but this year seemed to be the idea of tradition year.  Mark it down, 2009.  The first one came from a Southern Living article I think, but something that has been in my brain for many years… making gifts for each other.  Jen and I went to Hobby Lobby and bought these big Christmas bags, 5 different kinds.  And during our 1st ever, family meeting, we got to pick which bag we wanted.  It was amazing, the kids all chose different bags, and I ended up with NOEL.  Before Christmas morning, you are to make, write, color, draw, create, a gift for each person in the family and put it in their xmas bag.  Then on Christmas morning, we will open those gifts one at a time, taking special note of each item placed in the bag.  This is another tradition we are going to attempt, opening presents one person, one gift at a time.  It will last longer for sure, but will also give joy to the person who gave the gift.  We tried this the other day with Jen’s parents and it seemed to go great.

Our other tradition was having a block party at our house.  It was going to have Christmas carols, cookies, hot chocolate, brownies, and campfire.  We did great, except for the singing.  But the fellowship with neighbors was fun. And I don’t think we could have done it without the fire-pit.  Seems that during this time of year, there needs to be a focus on the Light of Life for us to remain together, share our joys, and be in community with each other. That was a fun day.

Well, this Sunday marked the fourth half-marathon of my life.  Official that is, because I’ve probably ran twice that as I trained last year for the full.  This was a pretty weird one though.  I hadn’t been training very much the last few weeks/months, and the most I ran was 8miles about 2 weeks prior to the run.  But I was going to do it anyway.  ACU Student Assoc pulled together to create a group to run, give out free running shirts so we can recognize each other.  But as I ran, I would hear and see alumni and students on the side-line yelling out “GO WILDCATS!!!” with the Rob Thomas wildcat hand sign.  That was pretty cool.

But my charge came around mile 7-8 when the runners u-turned and ran past each other.  On my ipod was “How great is our God” and I saw my friend Kevin running by the other direction, yelling out at me, and making his way to the middle so we can high-five each other.  That refueled me to keep going.  I ran more this time than I have the previous 2, much like my first one in Houston.  I would only walk as I slowed down to get water/gatorade and then start back up.  I did pause at mile 13 to stretch, and get my calves un-knotted, so I could finish strong.  And this lady told me, hey, it’s right up there … Go.  I was about ready to ask her if she had ever run, but luckily, most of my thoughts are never verbalized.  Did you hear that? Most of my thoughts are never verbalized.  Sometimes they are blogged. Sometimes they are noted.  But I try to filter out as much as possible.

So what have we learned in #4? Hydrate the week before.  Get there early, so you don’t have to sit in traffic (we got there early).  Go ahead and wait in porta-potty line before the race, so you don’t have to go at mile 3. Don’t ever stop at the first water table, there will be 5-7 others setup, and the 1st one you’ll just have to wait for the person to refill the cups with a 2qt water pitcher.  And always, have your wife and kids at the end of the race, to cheer you!!

One of my first parenting/therapy books was by a genius in his field, Richard Wolters. In his book “Water Dog” he gives great advice and technique in how to train your dog for duck/bird hunting.  In one of the tips, the command is LEAVE IT.  Which explains exactly what it says; do not touch it, do not pick it up, do not lick it, do not play with it, do not grab it, do not paw it, do not chew it, do not move it with your nose…LEAVE IT!  And when the dog doesn’t respond, there is a consequence.  Sometimes it’s being popped on the nose.  Or shocked with the collar.  Or popped elsewhere, but the dog is reminded of the command, and the desire of the owner for him to LEAVE IT!  It doesn’t take long for the dog to remember the meaning of the command, because the situation turns hellish when he won’t comply.  Sometimes, Mr. Walters recommends talking to the dog in a way that shows disappointment, and disgust with his disobedient behavior and inability to respond to the command.

Join me now, will you, as we sit down and talk for a bit.  You can sit there in that chair, and I’ll sit right here across from you.  Tell me, what’s going on today…  And that’s how we begin our counseling.

This weekend I was in training for equine assisted psychotherapy, using horses as part of the treatment team for counseling/therapy.  They are quite good at their job, and somehow, they can read the spirit of a person.  It’s an amazing thing to watch, how one horse can block the anxiety and fear a person shows, and will literally stand between them and the point of anxiety.  And the horse doesn’t say a word. Not one… no not one.  (sing it)  In one of our activities, we were given 2 statements/sentences/questions in the interaction with the client.  Our team consisted of 3 people, which means only 6 questions can be made in the 12 minute time frame.  Wow, 6 questions? How are we going to do that.  It definitely made you reconsider your verbal vomiting. Contemplate why I felt the need to talk. Evaluate the statements I wanted to make, and their need to be expressed.

Part of the role of a therapist is to be aware of the things you bring into the session.  Sometimes they are called biases, sometimes it’s called ‘my crap’ and sometimes ‘my sh*t’.  Either way, these things will get in the way of dealing, listening, and working with the clients goals and struggles.  They will interfere, they will destroy, they will distract, they will overwhelm, they will undercut, and they may deter the clients from sharing or even returning.

Today I was sharing something with a few therapist friends, and that’s all I wanted to do… share.  I did not want a solution. I did not want their comments. I did not want their war stories. I just wanted to vomit out my crap and LEAVE IT!  Sometimes just doing that is enough for a client, I know it would have been enough for me.  But then they started talking. And talking. And talking, and then it was no longer about me.

Man, no wonder clients don’t return sometimes.  We use up our verbal knowledge and uneasy feeling of human-conflict to try to make ourselves feel at ease with the stuff we just heard.  So in a self-protected manner, I will inadvertently ignore what was just shared, and cushion the self-anxiety by matching or one-upping the story, and providing a “blessing” to the situation.  When, in all honesty, it just plain sucks.  No wonder clients don’t return sometimes.

We know it’s there.  We heard it.  We see it.  But we just don’t know what to do with it.  Great, you got exactly what Richard Wolters meant…. LEAVE IT.  When it’s time, they will pick it up and throw it again.

This last week has been fun. Dove season opened Tuesday, and I took the boys out Tuesday night for some fun.  We had a great discussion about hunting, safety, and fun. jackson retrieved a bird and tate learned how to de-feather.  had some great biology learning too about the heart, liver and stomach of the doves. quite fun.
hunt status: there is water in the tank, so that’s good. birds were flying, but seemed like maybe a handful of mature birds, but we shot 6. we means me, b/c they just had their toy guns. they did go around cleaning up and looking for treasure, in the form of old hulls.  so they are great keepers-of-the-land.

Then Saturday I took Blakely and cousin Kassidy out with me, Papa, and Granddaddy.  They had a good time walking around with Papa.  Then last night, it was just me and Blakely.  As soon as we got in the truck, she said, “don’t turn on the radio, we can just talk the whole time.”  How do you not love a kid who wants to talk  to her daddy.  We talked.  She is having a tough time with this new retainer in her mouth, and I can tell it’s affecting her attitude.  It’s easy to see those changes I guess, b/c I know what it’s like having your “normal” day changed up with something external you don’t want, and can’t get rid of.  So while we were out last night, we decided to change up our spot.

I picked up my bucket and Coke Zero with my left hand, and kept the Beretta AL390 in my right.  I followed her to the left and noticed a dove coming in from the left as well.  “Blakely a dove!” I yelled, as it approached us, moving left to right.  I put my shotgun on my right shoulder, keeping bucket and coke balanced in left hand, and sighted that bird on the red dot at the end of my gun…. and squeezed the trigger.  BAM!! One shot, one dove, one handed…. dead.  Dropped right out of the sky.  I began my verbal applause and amazement immediately, asking her, did you see that, did you did you??!!?! Amazing. WAHOO!!!  And then we talked some more.  How one day she could share the story with others, about the day her daddy shot a dove one handed, without spilling his coke zero.

That was the only shot of the day.  But probably one of the best dove hunts… yet.

I ran 5 miles Saturday.  Ok, I walked some, but all in all, I completed 5 miles.  It rained Friday night, and the ground was wet, and even thunder started my run. But I went out anyway, knowing that the journey was greater than the fear of being rained on.  On the run, there was a calming effect of getting out and doing what I have been needing to do for a long time.  8 months, and 15lbs later from the completion of the marathon, I needed some motivation.

Today is the first day of school for the older two.  They moved to a new campus because their school is being updated, so I think that affected Blakely a little.  But she did well.  Had to express herself before going in.  I think that allows her to grieve the summer, the family, the trips, the time-off, the sleeping, the movie watching, the fun, and the memories.  Each day brings us closer to the moment she reaches out further for herself and her own desires.  And then, I reckon, we’ll trade emotional places.  Good work kids!

We went fishing yesterday and were talking about school, and Jackson said, “I love school, it is the bestest time of my life.”  Last night as he lay in bed, I came over and asked if I could say his prayers, and he said, I’m saying my own prayers right now… hold on.  It was amazing watch his mind and heart reach out to God and talk to him.  Jackson has this thing lately I have noticed, where he is figuring out his emotions and feelings, and verbalizing them.  One day he told Jennifer, “What am I feeling, what am I feeling… I’m feeling I don’t give you enough hugs” and gave her a hug.  One night at the table we were talking about loving each other, and me and Jennifer loving each other, and he said “I KNOW!” We asked him how does he know, and he said, “I just feel it in my gut, that you love each other.”  And the other night he said “What am I feeling what am I feeling… I’m feeling that I am happy!”